Yesterday, I sat on a blanket laid in the grass with my 5-month-old in my lap and watched as my 3-year-old ran and played in the splash pad at the park. All of a sudden, I felt this overwhelming sense of gratitude. I thought about how easy it can be to get stuck in a negative mindset, always wanting something more or something better. I realized how many times I have complained about the many changes that have impacted our family within the past couple of years. Our lives are not nearly what I thought they would be…and still, I realized that I have everything I have always truly wanted.
Finances can sometimes be the most frustrating factor of being an adult. I have always said that I would never let money (or lack thereof) effect my happiness, but it is hard to not feel stressed or worried when adjusting to a single-income lifestyle. It can be so easy for me to feel like we need more than what we have, but then I think about the fact that we have a home, food, and clothing. We have all the necessities to keep our babies happy, healthy, and thriving, which is what I have always wanted.
When James argues with me, tries to negotiate deals or punishments, and throws tantrums that could blow the roof off of our house… it is so easy for me to get frustrated and wish that he were better behaved. I forget that he is the epitome of an intelligent and strong-willed child, which is exactly what we have raised him to be and have always wanted.
When Ethan wakes up every hour of the night just because his pacifier falls out of his mouth or he just wants me to hold him it is so easy for me to feel irritated and have the desire to just stay in bed and sleep hoping that he will just stop crying for me from his crib. I forget that when he was recovering from his surgery and in the hospital hooked up to monitors and tubes, I would have given anything to just hear his little cries and to have been able to hold him; just like I have always wanted.
It aggravates me to know that my family has gone in so many different directions. Relationships have changed, people have drifted, some have even disappeared from my life and it is so easy for me to feel pity and sadness about everyone whom I feel has let me and my children down. I forget that I have the unconditional love and support of my husband, and a strong marriage that is built off of mutual respect and the determination to support one another no matter what; just like I have always wanted.
I frequently feel exhausted and drained of all patience while being a Stay at Home Mom. It can be so easy for me to feel angry at the never ending amount chores and obligations involved with caring for my family. I forget that when I was working, I would cry at the thought of missing out on time with my baby. I now am able to be with both my babies and guide them through every moment, creating memories with them just like I have always wanted.
Sometimes it is so easy for me to forget, but I am so ridiculously grateful that despite the ups and downs, the disappointments and the struggles, and the fact that things may not be as easy or as effortless as I would like…I am still so blessed to have all of the most important things that I have always wanted.
REAL Motherhood Experiences 